


I see you in the Dark

by Xx_Becca_xX



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Aaron is worried about getting his ass kicked, Carl just wants someone to love him., Daryl just wants to survive but idiots around him fall in love, Fluff, Insecurities, Jesus would just like a freshly brewed cup of coffee, M/M, Rick is a Prick, anal sex eventually, carol keeps forcing Daryl to shower, lots of fluff and then crap, teenage angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 12:35:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12748434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xx_Becca_xX/pseuds/Xx_Becca_xX
Summary: Carl hates how he looks now. He knows people hide their disgust when they look at him. But that doesn't change him from wanting more out of life. He is lonely and aching for love. A man stormes into town wearing a duster and calling himself Jesus. Carl wonders if maybe Jesus could save him or love him. Both. He would chose both.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting on my computer for a long time. Way before season 7 started and broke my heart. This chapter there are no warnings but Carl doesn't know if he is gay because he has not been exposed to sex other then being nearly raped. I imagine that being in a world with no tv or electronics and people having to revert back to books as a main way of instruction would be a hard change. Books are not as easily accessible. Tv makes it much easier to learn about sexuality and such. 
> 
> Rick also doesn't seem like the guy to have the birds and bees talk. It just seems like such a trivial thing to worry about now that he wouldn't think of it. But that's just what I think. So Carl is left to think about certain things alone and when he has questions he doesn't go to his dad. Personally he does what I would have done. Go to someone that might know from experience! 
> 
> Also please don't flame me but Daryl might be asexual in this or just not in a relationship at all. I don't feel like he cares about sex. Family means a lot to him but having a significant other is not important to him at all.
> 
> Anywho thanks for reading.

Carl hated how he looked now. But he really didn’t think he was much to look at before. Now he has to wear an eye patch that Michonne found for him. He doesn’t mind it so much now that it has healed. He leaves his hair long to cover his eyes easily. He just wonders how the hell anyone could find him attractive in this world. “Everyone has scars.” Michonne told him. “Yours are just more visible than some.” She said before she chomped down on a nutrition bar.  
Carl pulled a t-shirt on and a blue flannel over it. The weather is cooler now. He wonders briefly if hunting season will be good this year. Daryl promised to take him out more. He wouldn’t let his handicap stop him. He wouldn’t let it keep him from being an important member of the community. Carl comes down the stairs and kisses Judith briefly on the cheek. “Where are you going?” Michonne asked.

“I’ve got watch this morning with Aaron.” He said. He asked the older man if he could sit with him during watch.  
“Alright. Remember, you have to watch Judith this afternoon.” Michonne said.  
“Yes mother.” Carl said smiling. She smacks at his arm.  
“Love you son.” She said playfully.  
“Love you too.” He said and out the door he went.  
Carl nodded to Glenn as he passed the man. “Morning.” Glenn said.  
“Morning. How is Enid?” After the Wolves attack, Enid took up residence with Glenn and Maggie. Enid claims that it’s to help Maggie since she is pregnant but Carl knows his friend better than that. 

“Good. Will you be by this evening?” Glenn asked.  
“Should be. She swiped the last copy of Destructo the Demented. I need to know what happens!” Carl growled playfully.  
Glenn smiled. “See you tonight then.” He said. They waved and finally Carl passed the block and found the end of the fence where they were reinforcing it. Aaron was sitting up in the scaffold with a sniper rifle. Carl climbed the ladder and sat down next to the man.

“Alright, spill it.” Aaron said after a few minutes. Carl tensed next to him.  
“You really just cut to the chase.” Carl let out a nervous laugh.  
“Well it’s not every day that you volunteer to sit up here and help me keep an eye on the place. I figure there is a reason.” Aaron said. Carl didn’t jump to talk so Aaron waited patiently. After all being a recruiter for the community requires patience.

Carl didn’t really know how to ask. He opened his mouth to speak several times but the words failed him. Then he laid eyes on the reason for his question. “How did you know you were gay?” Carl nearly blurted out. Carl could feel the blush cover his face. Thankfully his hair covered his eyes. Aaron was surprised by the question.  
“I just did. I had a crush on my eighth grade History Teacher. He was bigger and broad shouldered and just everything I wasn’t and I could hardly take my eyes off of him when I saw him.” Aaron said. Carl sighed.  
“Are you sure that I’m the one you should be talking to about this?” Aaron asked.  
“My dad wouldn’t understand. He is in a new relationship with Michonne.” Carl was clearly annoyed.  
“Does that bother you?” Aaron asked. Carl’s head whipped around to look at the man.  
“No, I love Michonne. She has practically been a mother to me and Judy.” Carl said. “I just would rather not say anything to either of them unless I know for sure.”  
“I see.” Aaron said. “I thought you were with Enid.” Aaron added a few minutes later.  
“No. We are friends. I talked to her about it but she doesn’t understand.” Carl shook his head growing desperate for some answer.  
“Trust me I get it. I was lucky when I found Eric. We clicked right away. It made sense. We were friends and then it grew into something more but I also found men attractive before I met Eric. I had a boyfriend before him, before the apocalypse.” Aaron said. Carl nodded. It seemed as if this didn’t help him either.

“Have you ever taken care of yourself?” Aaron asked Carl.  
“What?” Carl asked.  
Aaron huffed, “You certainly aren’t going to make this easy. Have you ever masturbated? Played with yourself?” Aaron asked. He had to look up at the clouds. The flush on Carl’s face was cute and he was afraid he would laugh and that would, of course piss Carl off but this whole situation was crazy and if Rick found out he was certain that Rick would kill him for talking to his son about this stuff.  
“No. I haven’t.” Carl said.  
Aaron’s eyes widened. “Do you get hard?” Suddenly his face flushed and then he let out a nervous giggle. “Sorry that slipped out.” Aaron said.  
Carl bit his lip. “I don’t know.” Carl said shrugging his shoulders. Aaron titled his head to the side and observed Carl with curiosity. “Have any sex dreams?” Aaron asked.  
“No. Not really. I didn’t know what sex was until I heard Ron talk about it. I was 10 when the apocalypse started remember? I just know that I’m tired of being alone.” Carl said. “I want to love someone.” Carl said.  
Aaron nodded. “I get it. Aren’t you kind of young though?” Aaron immediately could tell that was the wrong thing to say.  
Carl looked up at Aaron trembling with anger. Carl pulled off the eye patch and showed his empty eye socket. “So I’m old enough to kill, old enough to die, old enough to know what loneliness feels like but not old enough to love someone, or find someone to love me?” Carl asked. Aaron patted his shoulder. Abraham and Tobin were working on the fence along with some other residents. Carl called attention to himself. 

“Everything ok up there?” Abraham asked.  
Carl got up. “Thanks for listening.” Carl said and he descended the ladder.  
Carl fixed the eye patch and nodded at Abraham before he turned and left. Daryl, Jesus and Rick were talking near the plants they were harvesting. “Hey kid.” Daryl said as Carl passed. Carl didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to be called kid. He can do everything a fucking adult can but drink and talk about sex.  
“Wonder what that was about?” Jesus asked. Daryl narrowed his eyes as Carl walked off. It was very unlike Carl to do that. Rick was busy talking about the next run and pulling carrots to be see how distressed Carl was.  
“No idea.” Daryl said.  
“Hey Rick?” Daryl said.  
“Yea?” Rick looked up from the dirt.  
“Everything ok with Carl?” Daryl asked.  
“Yea, why you ask?”  
“No reason.” Daryl said looking back at where Carl disappeared. “I’ll be back shortly.” Daryl said to Jesus.  
“Alrighty. I’ll be here.” Jesus said.

\------------

Daryl followed the path that Carl walked. Daryl knew Carl hated being confined behind the walls but he was safe behind the walls. “Want to tell me what’s wrong?” Daryl asked. Carl cussed. “Do you have to sneak up on me like that?” Carl huffed.  
“What being a good hunter is all about.” Daryl smirked.  
“Whatever.” Carl shook his head.  
“Hey, what’s your problem?” Daryl was growing tired of his teenage crap.  
“You wouldn’t understand Daryl.” Carl said sitting down on a log next to a hollow tree. Daryl leaned against the tree.  
“Now is this an I wouldn’t understand it because I ain't your daddy or I wouldn’t understand it because I’m a dumbass redneck?”  
Carl glared at him. “I know what people think about me.” Daryl said. 

“Yea, well I know what the fuck people think about me. I’m just a fucking kid.” Carl growled. Daryl nodded. He knew better than to say anything. It was better to let Carl vent. “I mean, I can kill people but oh no, he has to have a bedtime!” Carl said running his hands over his hair. He didn’t wear the hat anymore. It was another sign of him growing up. “Christ, Daryl. I fucking hate this. I could die tomorrow. We don’t have a guarantee to wake up breathing tomorrow.” Carl said. He was fighting tears now. He hated it when his anger got the better of him. 

“What is this about?” Daryl asked. Carl looked up at Daryl out of his baby blue eye shining bright up at him.  
“I don’t feel anything, except this anger. I wish…..” Carl sighed. “I just wish I had someone to hold me, I guess.” Daryl knew exactly what Carl was feeling. “I get it man.” Daryl said. “No, you don’t. I’m confused. I think I’m gay but I don’t know how to tell for sure. It’s not like there are any other gay guys around and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it.” Carl said. Daryl stared at him for a few minutes.  
“You think I didn’t know?” Daryl said. Carl’s mouth hung open.  
“What?” Carl squeaked.  
“Ah, so you thought I was a big dumb redneck.” Daryl said with a smile. He plopped down next to Carl. Carl let out a laugh.  
“Rick talks about how you and Enid hit it off and how he hopes things will progress appropriately but I know better. Beth said everyone talked about how you had a crush on her when we were at the jail but you told her you actually had a crush on me.” Daryl said. Carl’s eyes widened in embarrassment.  
“She told you that!” He blushed. Daryl laughed. He found it endearing.  
“She did. And I know how you watch Jesus.” Daryl said in a whisper. Carl thought he would die of embarrassment right there. He wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.  
“I know for a fact that he is gay.” Daryl said. Carl looked up at him.  
“Really?” Carl asked.  
“Mmhmm.” Daryl was now playing a random leaf.  
“Wait, you two aren’t a thing are you?” Carl asked. Daryl laughed.  
“No. He is good looking as far as men go but I’m not really into anyone.” Daryl said. Carl visibly relaxed. Then Daryl watched him tense again.  
“Not that he would be interested. I’m just a child. A handicapped, damaged one at that.” Carl sighed.  
“Bull shit.” Daryl said. “Anyone, man or woman would be lucky to have you.” Daryl said. Carl nodded and laid his head on his shoulder.  
“Thanks for listening and helping Daryl. I just wish I knew for sure.”  
“That, I am unable to help you with. But I’m pretty sure there isn’t some test.” Daryl laughed. Carl rolled his eyes. 

They walk back into Alexandria together. “I know I’ve been busy a lot lately but I’m always here.” Daryl said. Carl smiled. “We have a big run in a few days. I’ll talk to your dad about taking you.” Daryl said.  
“I won’t hold my breath.” Carl said. Carl walked up to the porch of the house he called home in a much better mood than he expected.

Daryl returned to find Jesus working now with Rick. He knew if he left him long enough Jesus would be working too. Jesus was too restless. He was always doing something. Daryl thought that if anyone could handle Jesus it could be Carl and vice versa. He wouldn’t fault Carl for his age. Lord knows the man deserves to be loved. It would be different to think of Carl as a man but hell after everything he has been through he deserves it. The fact of the matter is, getting his daddy to see things the same way he did.

“Everything ok with Carl?” Jesus asked later when they sat on Carol’s porch.  
“Yea. He is just going through something.” Daryl said. He took a bite of an apple. “You didn’t care that I asked Rick if Carl could tag along did you?” Daryl asked.  
Jesus snorted. “Since when do you care what I think? Besides he’s your family right? I’ve not talked to him much except when he held me at gunpoint. But then again that was my fault.” Jesus said with a smile. Daryl shook his head. Of all the men in the world, he has to pick the cocky bastard. “Yea.”

Later that night when Carl leaves Enid’s company, she asked him over and over again why he was in a good mood. He didn’t have an answer. He just smiled and would shrug his shoulders. “You are so frustrating Carl!” Enid hissed. Carl laughed. Having talked to Daryl made him feel lighter than ever. 

Carl walked towards his house. He knew lights would be out soon. Curfew was in less than 15 minutes. “Carl.” He heard someone whisper. He saw the outline of someone waiting for him beside his house. Carl approached slowly with his gun drawn. “If I thought I was going to get shot I wouldn’t have done this.” Aaron sighed. 

“Sorry.” Carl put his gun away.  
“Here. Don’t say I didn’t do anything for you. Oh, and this is compliments of Eric.” Aaron said handing over a small bottle of a lube.  
“Why do I need this?” Carl asked.  
“Just read the damn note.” Aaron said. “And enjoy. Also please keep it hidden.” He said with a smile. He walked away.

Carl stuffed the note into his pocket and walked into the house. He made small talk with his dad and Michonne before he went to his own bedroom. He stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed. “Shit, I almost forgot.” He thought. He scrambled over the bed and found his pants. The note and bottle of lube was secure in his pants pocket. He pulled out the note.

“Don’t really have porn anymore at least handy to give you and you said you haven’t played with yourself. Here goes nothing: Picture a woman, naked. Breasts, butt, pussy and if that doesn’t turn you on then picture a woman you like naked. Personally I like to fantasize about it happening somewhere like a place or work where we would meet.” Carl thought about this. He went through the women he knew, Michonne (hell no) Carol (no) Enid (no) Rosita…. Carl tried to picture her naked. He thought about meeting Rosita for training. She was training the people in the community how to protect themselves. It wasn’t working out. He couldn’t get passed thinking about the other people around them. It would be weird. He went back to the note.  
“Can’t get it up? Well then maybe you should try thinking about a guy. Think specifically about the guy you like. (Carl pictured Jesus. He pictured him just like he was today. Wearing his black trench coat and his beanie on his head covering his hair.) “Can’t believe I’m about to coach you through this, the note said. (Yea well I’m about to take the notes advice, Carl thought) “Pull your dick out. Get some lube on your hands and run it over yourself. Think about the guy you like. Think about him cornering you or maybe you sneak off somewhere for a private moment to jerk each other off.

Carl lets out a shaky breath. He starts to stroke himself. He imagines that it was Jesus who came out to talk to him today instead of Daryl and instead of talking Jesus just pushes him against the tree kissing him. Carl’s cock hardens a little. He pulls out the lube and puts more than enough on his hand and wraps his fingers around his dick. He bites down on his bottom lip to keep quiet. It was extremely cold. But the slick feeling is making him harder. Carl strokes faster. He pictures Jesus undoing his pants and pulling his cock out to stroke him. Carl wants to touch him too. His cock throbs in his hands. There is a heat pooling in his stomach. Jesus manages to get his own pants undone and his cock is out now. He is bigger than Carl. Carl can only imagine as he hasn’t seen many dicks. He is imagining it a little bigger than his own. Jesus is kissing away the moans that Carl is making. Carl can feel something building. He doesn’t know what an orgasm is but he knows he is building to it. He reaches for the note with his dry hand.

(Now think about dirty things that your man would say. That usually helps bring me over the edge. It helps Eric too. If you can’t think of any, I’ve left a few. Enjoy) Carl read the following lines and he imagined Jesus saying them. Whispering them into his ear as they were stroking each other off. “Your cock is so hard. I want to feel you come on my hand. You like the feel of my cock too don’t you? You want to feel me come?” Carl imagined Jesus saying those things into his ear. God, he wished this were really happening. He was stroking his cock faster now. His toes were curling.  
“I want to fuck you so bad Carl. I know how bad you want me.” Imaginary Jesus whispered.  
“Shit.” Carl mumbled out loud. He came all over his stomach. His body was convulsing. He rode the orgasmic wave until was seeing stars. “Holy shit that’s awesome.” He said. He got up and grabbed a discarded shirt and cleaned up his stomach. He rolled up the note and the bottle of lube and hid it in the bottom of his dresser. Now he felt he had a pretty clear answer. Maybe he need more action..


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl goes on a run with Daryl and Jesus. Carl feels more like himself outside of the walls.

Carl was nervous about going on the run. He tried to not show any emotion but honestly he was terrified. Terrified to let down Daryl and also scared that something will happened that he won’t be able to help because of his eye. He knew this day would come though. It’s time for him to move on.   
“Are you sure that you want to go?” Rick asked. They were sitting in the living room. Carl nodded.   
“Yea, I really want too.” He said. Michonne was sitting with Judith on her lap. Rick was looking over the rations list they need to get for winter. Various things that Daryl and Jesus will need to look out for.   
“Well I know that you want to be included in more of the grown-up things going on around here.” Rick said. Carl had to grit his teeth. Michonne watched how Rick didn’t pay attention or even look up at Carl to see his reaction during their talk.  
Thankfully there was a knock on the door. “Come-in.” Rick yelled. Daryl and Jesus came in. Daryl nodded at Carl. Jesus walked in and sat down right next to Carl. Carl couldn’t help but tense immediately. Daryl tried not to smirk but Judith stuck her hands out for Daryl. 

“Ass kicker.” Daryl said with a smile. She was one of the few that got to see the full Daryl smile. Judith giggled.   
“If that is her first word Daryl so help me.” Michonne warned but with no heat behind it. Carl smiled. He loved how Daryl didn’t give a shit what anyone thought. He wished he could be like that.  
“Ready to go?” Daryl asked Carl. Carl nodded.   
“You aren’t taking the bike.” Rick said.   
“Don’t worry. Jesus and Carl will take the truck. This way I can scout ahead if I have too.” Daryl said.   
“Fine. But if he comes back with a scratch on him.” Jesus held up his hands in surrender.   
“I won’t harm a hair on his head. But from what Daryl has told me, Carl is perfectly capable of protecting himself.” Jesus said. Carl smiled. Jesus watched him for a second. He couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t think he ever saw Carl truly smile after having watched him from afar the past few months. He should do it more often and definitely not hide behind that hair; Jesus shook those thoughts from his head. Those thoughts always get him into trouble.

“Either way.” Rick said as he studied Jesus and Daryl. He was trusting those men with his only boy.   
“We’ll be back in a few days.” Daryl said. Carl hugged Judith and Michonne. His dad walked out with him. Carl grabbed his pack by the door. Rick walked with them down to the gate. Jesus and Carl got into the old beat up blue truck. Daryl got on his bike. Rick ruffled Carl’s hair.   
“Be safe.” He said.   
“Alright dad.” Carl said patting his old man on the arm. Rick watched them leave.

It was about 15 minutes on the road before Carl was able to relax.   
“Did it just now sink in that you were allowed to leave?” Jesus asked.   
“Yea. I didn’t think he would let me.” Carl said honestly.   
“Well you’re his only son. It makes sense to want to protect you.” Jesus said.   
“I’m hardly a kid.” Carl said.   
Jesus was thoughtful for a moment. “I guess maybe he wished you still were. Maybe no matter what he can’t imagine thinking about you any other way.” Jesus offered.   
“I know. But after doing the things I’ve done, it makes it hard to go back to that way of thinking.” Carl said.   
“What way of thinking?”  
“You spend months living day to day. Fighting to survive. It’s just hard to go back to thinking the way dad wants me to.” Carl shrugged.   
“I can only imagine. I would hate it, but I get it.” Jesus said.   
“Yea.” Carl said.   
“Well this is far enough for me. It’s your turn.” Jesus said. He stopped the truck and smiled at Carl.   
Carl’s heart started to skip beats. “What?”  
“I hate driving. It’s your turn.” Jesus said. “Trade me.” Jesus got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side. Daryl was already stopped. He knew what Jesus was going to do. “You sure about this?” Carl asked.   
“Of course. Just drive straight. Follow the scruffy looking man in front of you. Turn when he does. I’ll be right here to coach you along.” Jesus said. Carl hopped out of the truck and walked around to the driver’s side.  
“You are clearly old enough to drive.” Jesus said. Carl smiled brightly at the older man. Jesus gave him a few pointers and just like that they were heading west again. 

“Are you sure you have never drove?” Jesus asked an hour later.   
“I’m sure.” Carl said gripping the steering wheel.   
“You are a natural.” Jesus said.   
Carl blushed. “Thanks but I think your lying.” Carl said with a laugh.   
Jesus laughed too. “I wouldn’t lie. You have the perfect 10 and 2 hand holds and you haven’t gone over the speed limit once. You would make your dad proud.”  
“You’ve been asleep. How would you know?” Carl laughed again. He shook his head at the man. Jesus briefly wondered if Carl was gay. Nope, shouldn’t think like that. “I’ve been watching secretly.” Jesus said.   
“Uh huh. You must have really thin eyelids because you were clearly asleep and snoring.” Carl said.   
“I’ll have you know that I do not snore.” Jesus stuck his tongue out at Carl. Carl laughed again. “God, you really should smile and laugh more often.” Jesus said. Carl blushed bright red. Even he blushes prettily, Jesus thought.

Daryl pulled up to the strip mall that would be their first stop. He could only imagine how Carl was handling Jesus right now. That man was, unique was probably not the best word to describe Jesus but Daryl liked him. He was honest and loyal and he didn’t start shit. Daryl pulled around to the back of the building, the truck followed.

Daryl noted that Carl and Jesus both look as if they had been laughing about something. Carl looked happier than he had in months. Daryl would like to think that has something to do with the fact that he is on the other side of the walls for once.   
“How was his first driving lesson?” Daryl asked.   
“Wonderful.” Jesus laughed.   
“Wait a sec? You called that a lesson?” Carl asked incredulously.   
“Of course. Didn’t you learn anything?”  
Carl huffed. “Yea that you snore.” Carl smiled.   
Jesus smirked at him. “I see how it is. Pick on the man that tries to teach you something.” Jesus said but he was still smiling, clearly entertained by the banter.” Daryl just watched the two idiots go back and forth.   
“Alright, fine! I did learn something.” Carl said. Jesus raised an eyebrow waiting for the answer. “I’ve never been this far west.” Carl said. He was smiling at Jesus who clearly thought that it was going to be something the he taught him about driving. Jesus was going to come up with something smart ass but the smile on Carl’s face and the way his eye lit up. He couldn’t.   
“You win this round.” Jesus growled playfully.

Daryl cleared his throat. They both looked at him as if they were guilty of being caught red handed, about what he wasn’t sure yet. “If you two are done, I would like to finish this today.” Daryl said. Carl nodded. He pulled the knife he had hidden from his ankle holster and waited further instruction. He would only use his gun if he had too. Daryl told him to bring the knife he liked to use the most when dealing with walkers. Jesus followed suit. Daryl knocked three times hard on the back door of the first store which happened to be a sports outlet. Daryl opened the door and entered first. He felt comfortable with both of them having his back. 

They worked all afternoon emptying the strip mall of the remaining items they could find that would be useful. That night they stayed in the nearby woods. Daryl told Carl a long time ago that it was best to stay away from the road when doing these supply runs if they were stopping for the night in case someone tried to rob them. The woods hid them. 

“Not many people like the woods especially at night, we should be safe.” Daryl said. Carl nodded. Daryl hid his bike in the usual spot and Jesus parked the truck covering it with downed tree limbs. They walked about 15 minutes until they found the makeshift barbed wire surrounding that Daryl set up since this was going to be a usual spot for them to stop.

“I’ll get a fire going.” Carl said.   
“I’ll help.” Jesus piped up. Daryl smirked. He was curious if Jesus knew that Carl liked him yet. Or vice versa.   
“Guess I’ll catch us dinner.” Daryl said before he disappeared into the woods. Carl got a fire going after a few minutes. Jesus helped him gather wood for the fire. Carl watched Jesus gather wood. He was making small talk about the weather and how he was glad it wasn’t raining.   
“We have a tent just in case but I’d rather stay outside in any weather condition then stay in a tent with Daryl.” Jesus said. Carl smiled, he knew that Daryl wasn’t exactly the most hygienic. Usually it involved Carol riding his ass to get him to shower.

Daryl met them back at the small clearing. He was able to get three squirrels. Carl helped clean them. He used to help Daryl clean them before they found Alexandria. Carl was happy for the change of surrounding. He was happy to be counted as equal. 

“Tell me something that you miss.” Jesus asked Carl who was sitting near him by the fire. Jesus was happy to have someone who didn’t mind his small talk. Daryl would usually get annoyed at the small talk and would only grunt an answer. Carl was thoughtful for a moment. “It can’t be that hard to think of.” Jesus said. “I’m sure you miss something.” Jesus had finished his dinner and was watching Carl now.   
“I miss my mom.” Carl said.   
“Did she die before or after the great undead took over?”  
Daryl looked up at Carl briefly worried that Jesus had asked the wrong thing.   
“After. She would have died giving birth to Judith.” Carl said.   
“Would have?” Jesus was curious at that choice of wording.   
“I saved her from that. Finished the job instead so she wouldn’t come back as a walker.” Jesus watched Carl, he showed little emotion but there was a sadness about his face now. The sparkle was gone from his bright blue eye. Jesus wanted to kick his own ass for asking.   
“Way to bring down the mood Carl.” Daryl said. Carl laughed, it wasn’t the laugh he shared with Jesus earlier but some of the tension in Carl’s shoulders relaxed.   
“Sorry. Should probably go ahead and tell you that I killed my dad’s best friend too.” Carl said. Jesus’ eye’s widened briefly. Jesus didn’t say anything but he didn’t have too. Daryl spoke up next.   
“I miss this diner down the street from where I would stay at with Merle. The old woman, her name was Rhoda. She made the best damn peach pie I ever tasted. I miss that.” Daryl said. Carl nodded.   
“I miss my mom’s chocolate cookies. They were the best right out of the oven. Dad would always get yelled at but she would let me have one.” Carl said.   
“I miss freshly brewed coffee.” Jesus decided to add.   
“We have coffee.” Carl mentioned.   
“Not that instant crap. I’m talking small coffee shop coffee.”   
Daryl scoffed. “Hippie.”   
Jesus grinned. “Hey, I could say I miss a decent conversation but then I become the bad guy.” Carl stuck his tongue out this time.  
They shared more stories. Carl was able to participate in the conversations whenever he wanted. 

“Alright who is taking first watch?” Daryl asked.   
“I will.” Carl said. He was still thinking about missing his mom. Frankly he hadn’t thought much about her recently. Not to mention he was thankful that Daryl and Jesus brought him along and this was the least he could do. Daryl nodded.   
“You know the drill.” Daryl said before laying down and turned away from the fire.  
“Guess I’ll lay down for a while. Wake me in three hours and I’ll take over.” Jesus laid down but his head was half on a small log that he was going to use as a pillow. Unlike Daryl, Jesus laid facing Carl.   
“You can share my log.” Jesus said. Carl snorted. “Was that funny?” Jesus asked. Carl got up and moved next to Jesus. He sat down in front of him.   
“It was. Just be glad I’m not nearly as perverted as Enid.” Carl said.   
Jesus smiled. “I could tell you to go share with stinky over there.” Jesus pointed.   
“You get used to his smell.” Carl said.   
“Would you please stop talking about me? I’m only a few feet away.” Daryl growled. Carl and Jesus laughed. Daryl couldn’t help but smile. His eyes remained closed.

“So is Enid your girlfriend?” Jesus asked much quieter this time.   
“No. Most people think that because we spend a lot of time together and we are the same age but at that point it would just be because of convenience. Enid could practically be like a sister to me. She gives me enough shit like one.” Carl said smiling fondly over their last conversation where she wanted to know why he was in a good mood.   
“That’s a grown-up way to look at things.” Jesus said. Carl sighed. He was glad when he heard Jesus’ light snores.

Three hours later, Carl was starting to doze off. He shouldn’t fault Jesus for bringing up his age. Hell everyone does except Daryl of course and Carol but they know what he has been through. They understand how he feels above anyone else.   
Carl nudged Jesus. “Hey man it’s time.” Carl said. Jesus mumbled something and nodded.   
He sat up. “Quiet night?” Jesus asked with a yawn.   
“Yea.” Carl scooted down and tried to get comfortable.   
“Hey I’m sorry if I said something last night to upset you.” Jesus said.   
“It’s fine.” He didn’t elaborate.   
“Mind if I ask what I said?”  
Carl shrugged. “I’m a kid. Everyone loves to point that out.” Carl said bitterly.   
“What?” Jesus didn’t understand. Then he recalled what he said. “Shit, I didn’t mean it like that. Hell half the people I’ve met don’t think that grown-up. Clearly you are more level headed than people give you credit for.”   
Carl nodded. “Thanks.”  
“I mean it Carl.” Jesus said. “I really don’t think of you that way. You have more than proven you are a grown man who deserves real responsibilities. Daryl said it was a touchy subject for you because your dad still treats you like a little kid despite everything you have been through.” Jesus was now trying to keep eye contact with Carl but it was hard at this angle and this dark at night. The fire was burning not as high or bright as it was earlier. Jesus grabbed Carl’s chin and tilted his face up until they were making eye contact. “I repeat I do not look at you like some kid.” Jesus said with a serious face. Carl’s heart was beating quickly. Jesus was touching his face. Those eyes of his were mesmerizing. Carl swallowed hard. Carl involuntarily licked his lips. Jesus’ eyes went from staring into Carl’s to looking at his lips. “You are gorgeous.” Jesus whispered.   
Carl blushed. “Telling another lie, I hear.” He said but he could feel the heat over his face. He was starting to hate blushing. Thankfully it was almost complete dark.  
“It is definitely not a lie.” Jesus said. He took his hand off Carl’s chin. Carl turned towards Jesus and proceeded to get more comfortable.   
“I forgot how cold it can get out here at night.” Carl said.   
“You can steal my warmth.” Jesus said.   
Carl smiled and bit his lip. “Is it stealing if it is given freely?” Carl asked shyly.   
“Give me your arm.” Jesus said. Carl was confused for a moment before Jesus grabbed his arm and pulled it over his waist.   
“This way you’ll get more heat.” Jesus said with a smile. Carl couldn’t believe this was happening. Was Jesus flirting with him? As if figuring out he was gay was hard enough now he has to try to figure how to read Jesus. Or could it be Jesus just being nice. He was always nice to everyone and Carl could just be another one he is nice too. But Jesus did tell him he was gorgeous and Carl was pretty sure that was not something you just tell everyone.

“Hey I’m sorry about what you had to do to your mom and your dad's best friend.” Jesus said after a few minutes. He knew Carl wasn’t asleep yet.   
“It’s just the way it is.” Carl mumbled. Jesus knew that Carl was touchy about his age but he really didn’t want someone as good and wonderful as Carl to have to go through what he has been through, no matter what age.  
“It still sucks.” Jesus said.   
“What’s your real name?” Carl asked. His face was now buried towards Jesus’ hip as Jesus was still half sitting half relaxing with his back against the fallen log. Jesus rested his arm over Carl’s arm that was secure around his waist.   
“What makes you think Jesus isn’t my real name?” He asked playfully.   
“I know I’ve heard it but everyone just calls you Jesus. I just wanted to know.” Carl said.   
“It’s Paul. I don’t like it when strangers call me by my given name. But of course you can call me either.” Jesus said.   
Carl smiled. “I feel privileged.” Jesus loved Carl’s playful banter.   
“You should.” Jesus laughed and ran his finger down Carl’s face along his jawbone. Carl shivered and gripped Jesus tighter around the waist. Jesus didn’t realize how strong Carl was. He certainly didn’t mind that feeling.  
“You really are warm Paul.” Carl mumbled half asleep. Jesus closed his eyes briefly. Listening to the way Carl said his name in that half sleep state and with his arm around him, Jesus felt his stomach flutter in a way it hasn’t in years. He didn’t even know if Carl was gay but he didn’t shy away from contact that Jesus has been giving him all day, that was a very good sign. 

An hour and half later Jesus was pulled from his thoughts by Daryl who woke up.   
“Where is Carl?” Daryl asked. Jesus smiled at the man. Jesus pointed to the warm body lying next to him. Carl was warm and comfortable. Jesus wanted nothing more than to lay down and wrap his arm around him but he knew he would fall asleep.   
“I hope you both know what you are doing.” Daryl said with a yawn. Jesus wanted to say that he had no idea what he was doing but he knew that every time Carl smiled at him or laughed with him that he didn’t want that to stop. Not only that but he couldn’t remember that last time someone held him like Carl did even if it was for warmth.  
“Go ahead and get some more sleep. I’m up now and there is no way I’m going back to sleep.” Daryl said.   
“Are you sure?” Jesus asked.   
Daryl pulled up the crossbow. “Go ahead. I’m going to piss and then catch breakfast.” Jesus nodded and laid down next to Carl. A minute later Jesus heard Daryl disappear into the woods. Jesus knew that he wouldn’t go far because he would still keep an eye on them while they slept.  
Jesus slid his arm around Carl and pulled him closer to his chest. Carl burrowed further against him. Carl woke up sometime later. He felt warm and safe. 

Carl realized that his arm that was wrapped around Jesus while he was sitting up had somehow drifted under his layer of clothing. Jesus’ felt extremely warm to the touch. Carl was moving his thumb up and down a small spot on Jesus’ back.   
“You trying to tease me?” Jesus asked in a sleepy voice. Carl kept his eyes closed but he smiled. Carl rested his whole hand against Jesus’s back. Splaying out his fingers, he wanted to touch as much of the man as he could. He felt brave with his eyes closed and it helped that Jesus was still half asleep. Carl moved his hand over Jesus’s bare skin bringing his hand towards his hip. He gave it a strong squeeze. Carl heard Jesus’ breathing hitch.  
“Carl…” Jesus’ breathed out. Carl felt his stomach tighten as well as his jeans. Carl continued to run his hand over Jesus. His hand moved over Jesus stomach. He felt a patch of hair traveling from Jesus’ belly button towards the waistband of his jeans. Jesus let out a shaky breath.   
“You are far more brave than I imagined.” Jesus whispered.   
“Does that disappoint you?” Carl asked.  
“Not at all. I like a man who takes initiative.” Jesus said.   
“As long as I don’t think too much about it, I’ll continue to be brave.” Carl whispered. He was still reeling that Jesus called him a man.  
“Feel free to continue to explore.” Jesus said hoping to make Carl feel better. He opened his eyes to see Jesus still lying with his head against the log and his eyes closed. Carl bit his lip and moved his hand further up Jesus’s body. Carl felt the outline of the older man’s ribs. He traveled further north. He could feel the soft hair spattering over the man’s chest. His hand accidently brushed against Jesus’ nipple. 

“Carl…” The man whispered his name again almost like a prayer.   
“Yes Paul?” Carl whispered. His voice didn’t sound like it belonged to him. His voice took on a new tone when laced with desire. He was learning new things.   
“Please don’t ever stop touching me.” Jesus pleaded silently. Carl didn’t realize how close they had become physically. They were already nearly on top of each other but now Carl was close enough to feel Jesus’s breath hit his face.  
Carl wanted to kiss the man. Jesus’ perfectly pouty lips looked ripe and ready for Carl to kiss them.   
“I’ll never stop. Unless you want me too.” Carl whispered. His lips ghosted over Jesus’s lips. Carl prayed to any god or deity that he hoped existed that whatever bravery he found that he keep in this moment because he didn’t want to fuck this up. Carl ran his fingers back over the sensitive nipple and Jesus’s arched into Carl bringing their lips together. Carl continued to play with the nipple while they kissed. Jesus groaned. Carl felt like his jeans were suffocating his lower half. Every sound and movement Jesus’ made somehow made Carl harder. 

They broke apart for air but only for a moment before want and need brought their mouths back together. This time Jesus ran his tongue over Carl’s lips praying for invitation. Carl opened his mouth at the invading tongue and groaned at his own feelings of pleasure. Jesus’ tongue swirled over Carl’s in an erotic dance that Carl knew he would never grow tired of.  
Jesus bucked against Carl again when the younger man flicked his nipple while his tongue moved in the most seductive manner in his mouth. Carl was unsure if this was turning Jesus on as much as it was him. 

The next buck of Jesus’s hips brought his in collision with Carl’s and they both moaned when feeling their hardness collide. The heat was almost too much. Jesus’ ran his hand over Carl’s hip and around to grab his ass. God, the young man’s ass was so tight and round. Jesus could barely think coherent thoughts when Carl brought their erections together again. 

“I’m not going to last long. I swear I don’t think I’ve ever been this turned on in my life.” Jesus whispered in between breaths. Carl nodded.   
“I’m so hard right now.” Carl said breathlessly. Jesus ran his hand down Carl’s butt and grabbed his leg draping it over Jesus’s hip in an attempt to bring them closer. Their hips slotted together perfectly.   
“Fuck.” Jesus breathed out. Carl rolled his hips towards Jesus and the man bit his lip to keep from moaning out loud. Carl could feel the familiar heat building in his stomach. He knew he was almost there. “I want you so much Carl.” Jesus whispered after a particularly long winded kiss. “This is a dream. I don’t want to wake up from.” Carl said. Jesus kissed the younger man’s neck now and sucked lightly on the spot where the shoulder meets the neck. Carl bucked his hips against Jesus and felt his cock throb hard. “Fuck. Paul…” Carl moaned quietly. Hearing Carl moan his name and watching the pleasure pass over Carl’s face, knowing he provided that pleasure for him sent Jesus over the edge after one more roll of the older man’s hips.   
“Carl…” Jesus groaned. Carl caught the man’s moans with his mouth and tongue.

A minute later Jesus pulled Carl into his arms and they laid facing each other breathlessly.   
“I can’t believe we did that.” Carl said blushing profusely.   
“Why is that?” Jesus asked kissing Carl’s cheek.   
“I just feel like I’m going to wake up and this will all be a dream.” Carl said.   
“It is real. It certainly felt extremely real.” Jesus let out a short laugh. Before they talk about what happened between them Daryl showed up. Jesus didn’t jerk away from Carl like Carl half expected. Nor did Carl see disgust on Daryl’s face like he was afraid he might.  
Carl suddenly felt insecure. Why did he do that? Why did he let himself get carried away? But god it was amazing. Carl grabbed his bag and disappeared to change his pants. A few minutes later, Carl felt familiar arms wrap around him from behind. He had just got his clean pair of jeans on. 

“You are gorgeous. I’m not kidding.” Jesus said. Carl smiled and turned around in the man’s arms. He noticed that Jesus had also changed his pants.   
“Not nearly as gorgeous as you.” Carl said. Jesus grinned at him.   
“I was very unsure if you were gay or not.”  
“I’m really only into you.” Carl said with a smile. He buried his face in Jesus’ neck and gave his neck a sweet gentle kiss.   
“I can handle that. You are incredible.” Jesus said running his fingers through Carl’s hair as they hugged. They breathed in each other’s scents.   
“I think you are perfect.” Carl said before pulling away to kiss Jesus again. Jesus grinned into the kiss.   
“Not really. But I would hate to spoil your illusion of me.” Jesus laughed.   
“Oh? I’ve been watching you for the past two months. Ever since I caught you in the house. Trust me, you are perfect.” Carl emphasized the sentence with a kiss between each word.   
“I’ve been watching you since then too. I never get caught off guard. You have caught me off guard in every way.” Jesus said kissing Carl again deeply before Daryl coughed and brought their attention to the present. 

“Is this how it’s going to be now? Because I can do without the lovey dovey crap.” Daryl said but a smile was tugging at the corner of his lips.   
“You are just jealous.” Jesus said.   
“No thanks.” Daryl said shaking his head. Love and romance and all that crap will just distract Daryl from what his purpose is. Survival.


End file.
